This. Is. Camperdown!

My son broke my heart last night. We were talking about his starting pre-school next year and he announced that I would have to come to school with him because I was bigger than him. When we told him that he didn't need his parents at school because there'd be friends to play with and teachers he got a lost, sad kind of look and said "But I need someone to take care of me". And immediately I thought that that was true, concocted insane ideas about enrolling myself in the same pre-school in a 21 Jump St-esque under-cover plan...wait...Have you seen that they've remade 21 Jump St? Seriously What the fuck. Johnny Depp will be rolling in Hunter S. Thompson's grave. Anyway. Where was I? Right. So I start thinking about home schooling while clutching my son and screaming "My baby! Daddy's here!" until my son kicked me off and told me to grow a pair. And so.
And so I am announcing the Spartan Party of Australia. This party will have a number of fairly normal policies: all prospective politicians must be able to complete one sweet jump on a bmx before seeking election, national anthem to be changed to "Louie Louie" as recorded by The Kingsmen in 1963 and the institution of a national nap-time between 12 and 2. But our central, immovable tennet shall be that all children shall be removed from their parents care at birth and placed into military training camps where they shall be raised by ninjas and wolves. Now the Spartan Party of Australia isn't really pro-war so I'm not sure what we'll do with all these highly trained ninja-wolf-assassins when they've completed their training...Send them home again? Whatever. The important fact is that they won't be around to cause their parents unnecessary heart-pain. Also being trained by ninja-wolves is sweet.