Thursday, December 15, 2011

Things I am retroactively sorry to my parents for: 1

Walking slowly in front of them
This was a classic "parents are nuts" one for me when I was small. It drove mum bonkers while doing shopping and made dad insane pretty much anywhere but seemed especially severe while walking down the street. To me I was just walking. Sure, I may have been a bit aimless but I was 3 through 8! Stopping to smell the roses was the point of life...Or poke something with a stick...Or lick something...Or just generally meander for no reason...Also to be honest, I've always been fairly aimless naturally. But something about me wandering slowly in front of my parents while they skipped side-to-side trying to get around me made cartoon steam come out of their ears and non-cartoon expletives come out of their mouths.
And now, aged and encumbered with my own aimless children as I am I finally get it. It is utterly infuriating. Especially when carrying shopping down the hallway. But ESPECIALLY when you smell smoke/hear screams/hear the telephone ringing! But it's actually pretty bloody infuriating whenever it happens. Why are you walking so slowly?! Speed up! No don't look at me! Keep walking! No, don't turn around! No, don't try and look in the shopping bag! Yes I can _hear_ the phone ringing! No don't cry, for gods sake! No...Look...Fine, yes, I'm putting the shopping down and picking you up. There. Are we better now? Excellent. I'm sorry. What? Yes I can smell smoke too...

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